Have you ever thought about how the people we choose to spend our time with actually affect our lives?
Actually, not even just the people we choose to have around us, but also the ones we have no option but to spend time with.
Different people make us feel different things and we act accordingly. Some bring out the best in us and others the worst. Some give us energy and others leave us feeling drained and tired.
There are those who listen to our ideas and say “I believe in you” “go for it”. Whilst a certain kind of person will interrupt us mid-sentence with all the reasons why the idea won’t work. It’s interesting how we can be really frustrated and prickly or soft and easy going depending on who we are hanging out with. Some people just bring out the best versions of ourselves.
We act differently depending on who we are around. Still, we are the same person.
The way someone makes us feel will affect the way we act around them. It’s logical, but we don’t always manage to step out of the situation and look at it from an objective standpoint. So then we end up blaming ourselves.
I really try to listen inwards and choose people around me with care. Who I want to be around has a lot to do with how they make me feel as a person. If I’m calm and safe around them, I will be a lot better version of myself compared to if I’m feeling on edge or criticized
It might sound like a selfish way of thinking. But in the end, we all need to get to feel like we are good people. We want to feed and grow the better parts of our personalities. We want to be the best versions of ourselves.
This is why it’s so important to pick the right life partner. If we choose someone who we don’t feel supported by, then we might spend most of our time cultivating our bad sides. If you are unhappy in your relationship, you might even start to feel like you are a bitter and angry person. Even though it’s just a small part of your personality that has been magnified because of the situation.
It’s important to remember that we have a really big self, filled with layers of personality and traits. We are capable of feeling all kinds of emotions, good and bad. And to act in many different ways. All of these feelings are us.
But we don’t have to feel all of them all the time. We can make choices if we are aware of how we are affected and why.
If someone leaves us with a bad feeling. Maybe, they make us feel small or uncomfortable. Then it’s a sign to be aware of. Do you have anyone like this in your close circle of friends or family? Maybe a work colleague or a family friend?
Sometimes all we need to do is to acknowledge that they have this effect on us. Then next time they might not be able to influence in the same way since we now are aware. We can predict what is going to happen and change the way we react.
Just because we react badly to someone else doesn’t mean they are bad people. We are just not all compatible.
We don’t have to stop spending time with friends or family who does make us feel like a lesser version of ourselves. As long as we are aware of what is going on and why we feel the way we do around them. This way we can decide to act differently around these people. This could start a chain reaction and maybe the relationship will change for the better.
If I look back a few years, I can now see exactly why I always felt a bit uneasy spending time with that particular “friend” or why I wasn’t at all sad when I broke up with a boyfriend I thought I really loved.
I find it really interesting to reflect on what actually shapes us in our lives. And see what we can do to make us better. To make sure we become the best versions of ourselves and live our best lives.
Photo – Ida Zander