Photo – Ida Zander
God, I hate Mom-shaming. It’s when other people (most of the time other parents) make someone else feel bad about the choices they make for their children.
I had no idea how much some parents compare their kids before I had children of my own. Some mothers seem to almost be competing in who is the better parent. It’s quite scary!
”So your child goes to nursery? Well, I have a private nanny so little Ralphie won’t get fleas from the other children”
”You give your child grains before they are one year old? We don’t believe in grains and would never give it to our little Ralphie”.
”Your nursery don’t serve Organic? We only give Ralph 100% organic food. He deserves the absolute best and nothing else”
”I protect my little angel from illness by staying at home with him 24/7. It’s just one of the sacrifices you do if you love your child”.
”Children who go to nursery before they are 3 years old will have severe social problems in the future… (quotes random source)”
”What, you mix Swedish and English at home? You can only speak Swedish with him at home if you want him to learn!”.
”What you mix Swedish and English at home? He will fall behind in school if he doesn’t have the full English vocabulary in the future.”
…these are just a handful of things I have heard in the last few weeks. And it makes me sooo tired. It’s never straightforward either, more like snide passing comments.
Next time I get one of these little digs from another Mom I will look them straight in the eye and say – ”YOU DO YOU. ”
Having children is not a competition! So what if your kid can’t run when it’s 10 months old. It’s not like they will grow up running weird as adults. Fed is better than starving because the breastfeeding isn’t working. Work or not, it’s up to your family constellation, plans for the future and economy.
All parents and children have different opportunities and needs, as long as you do your best, you are a good parent.
Mom-shaming is just incredibly unnecessary and surprisingly common. Sometimes I feel like people only say these things to make themselves feel better.
I mean I cook 90% of Aces food, all organic. Still, someone told me they were “surprised” that Ace got an (organic) pouch when we were out. Apparently, her little child would never even taste it… Nothing is good enough if you start listening to everyone else.
There is no such thing as the perfect parent.
Then if we add all the latest reports on this and that. Immunisations – normal, slow or not at all. Screentime, plastic toys etc.. It would be a full-time job just to keep updated with the latest research (and who is behind it). As if you don’t have enough to think about as a parent.
I believe in common sense and gut feeling.
You know your child and you will do your best based on your situation. And if your child is healthy, happy, fairly clean and is reaching all their milestones in time. Chances are you are doing a pretty good job. But to turn yourself inside out trying to please other Moms is only silly.
So you Moms who know what I’m talking about and live with this too. Ignore or say stop. Ask what they mean and why they chose to bring this subject up at this very moment. I have a feeling that if you lift the comment to the surface then you will either get a proper discussion or at least fewer digs in the future.
I actually expected a lot of Mom-shaming here on the blog. But you guys have been the most supportive of everyone. Thank you, you are awesome <3.