The Compliment That Makes Me Sad

Dress – Tara Jarmon, skor – Pretty Ballerinas, väska – Chanel. Foto – Ida Zander.

“But you are nice”

The first time someone told me this, I thought “well, yeah, I guess I am” and took it as a compliment. But then I heard the same thing from a few strangers in a relatively short amount of time and started wondering.

Is it a compliment? To me, it goes without saying that I’m nice and I don’t tend to tell other people that they are nice, especially not with the word “but” before.

So next time I had a similar compliment by someone I didn’t know I decided to ask why.

Luckily the person I ended up asking didn’t get offended and actually gave me a pretty simple and forward answer. “You don’t look like someone I would assume to be nice”

What the woof!*

It’s important to add that I had never met this person before. what I know we don’t have any friends in common and I really don’t think she reads my blog.

…and still, she had a predetermined view of me and it was that I most likely wasn’t going to be a particularly nice person. What an eyeopener! And how unfair! How do you even see someone’s personality on the outside?

To my knowledge, I don’t suffer a particularly nasty case of “resting-bitch-face” I also don’t walk around wearing a necklace made of dead puppies. So why would I not look like I was a nice person?

To be honest I haven’t really got an answer to this question yet. I’m not some sourpuss and usually walk around with a little smile on my face (and it’s not the “I’m-going-to-off-you-and-tile-you-into-my-bathroom kind). I’m just happy with life. I’m almost always positive, love to talk to people and always try my best to help other people out.

…still, some people choose to judge me before I even have the chance to open my mouth.

I tried asking my friends their opinion and got an array of different answers. “You look good, people that look like you are not always nice”, “You often dress up”, “You are self-confident”, “you can sometimes look focused”, “You are blonde (?)”.

So what is it that makes us think we know something about another person before we even have spoken to them?

I mean if you are running naked down Oxford street singing hymns, yes I might judge you a little. Or if you did something inappropriate like shouted at your kids or used the horn on your car a bit too vigorously. Then I might lift an eyebrow or two. But if you just walked down the street, went shopping or sat on the tube. I would have no scooby on who you were or if you are nice or not.

What frightens me most about this is how many other people have assumed the same and just dismissed me straight away? Isn’t it weird how you can put out the opposite of what’s on the inside? It makes me a bit scared and kind of sad.

But most importantly it gives me a small idea of what other people go trough. Those who actually get judged by the way they look all the time. It’s horrible and totally not ok to be judged based on the way you look, dress, skin color, religion or disability.

What I want to say with this post is – don’t judge a book by it’s cover. It might be an old saying, but it’s very relevant, especially in this Instagram society. It’s too easy to judge with the wrong sense. It’s not our eyes who should determine who someone is or what someone stands for, it’s our ears.

Have you ever been judged based on what you look like/how you dress/the color of your skin or similar?

*(We are trying hard not to swear in front of Ace, so this is what we say.).

1 Comment

  1. Matilda

    Unfortunately I know this too well. Mainly judged by women, at work. It’s crazy. Luckily most people out there are open and will give you a chance. I just think they’re the exception and keep having hope of the humanity.

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