I have such a spark for life at the moment.
I do find living pretty exciting most days, but this last year has really given me an understanding of how short the time is that we have on this earth. It scares me a bit that I’m 35 years old and I still haven’t done more than half of the things I want to do in life.
Places I want to see, people I want to meet, conversations I want to have, more children, work opportunities, maybe another career, who knows?
I used to feel like I had oceans of time, but since I had Ace, I have really realized that time doesn’t just go, it sprints.
It’s almost a year ago since my special little soul came to this earth, how can that be? He has gone from being a 4 kg little lump that could only eat, sleep, poo, wee and burp to a 10 kg actual person who says ”mamma”, ”dadda”, ”bye” and ”spoon”. He can point at what he wants and stands up all on his own without any support. Soon he will be running into the kitchen asking me whats for dinner.
Few things come with such a reality check when it comes to time as having children.
In one year Ace has achieved so much. What have I done in 35? It’s scary to think that you cannot buy time when it’s out, it’s out. We are never as young as we are today and still we seldom appreciate it until much later.
I’m terrified of having run out of time, look back and regret all the things I didn’t do. Most I’m worried that I will blink and miss Ace growing up. But I also know that I have to let go a little bit so I can do all those other things.
”someday” really is now. Nothing is going to get any easier with time. What are we actually waiting for, to get old and maybe even lose our ability to actually do those exact things?
… and then I get anxiety. Because how am I meant to choose? there are so many different paths to take in life. The opportunities are endless. I end up feeling almost paralyzed by all the options and having to make such big choices.
This is basically what’s going on in my brain at the moment, anyone who feels the same?